don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
