Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
