Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day šš#pensacolaproblems
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Couldāve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another manās cock... but there it is...
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