It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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