You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize