I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
