Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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