you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
