you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't deserve a penis
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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