He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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