well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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