I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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