your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
