My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We need a shit load of segways right now
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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