No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
