you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How external is "for external use only"?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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