a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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