this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize