in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
