Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
