some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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