so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
