I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
