Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize