I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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