Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I faked an abortion last night.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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