help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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