did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
