Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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