The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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