we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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