you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
wow bdsm is so cute
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
