Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize