you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
