just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
