i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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