Swine flu. Run for my life!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
