What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize