WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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