I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
