Someone shit on the floor
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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