I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
