Got a toothbrush?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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