Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
