i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
