WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
