she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I party with great urgency now.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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