so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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