smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
