I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
