Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
