do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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