im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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