Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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