i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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