nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
