Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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