Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
