Don't make out with my wife yet
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
