I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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