just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
