Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
