im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
