First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
