No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
